In the early 2000s, I worked at the London office of a global company. Inclusivity and diversity were not the norm. The company had a predominant macho culture where jokes and remarks about the LGBTQ+ community were common. In my department, 98% of the staff were straight men, and the rest were women. I was very scared of coming out in this environment. I would replace “he” with “she” when talking about my partner. I was very careful sharing about my personal life, fearing anything that might “out" me.
This was very draining for me. I couldn’t fully relax and function to the best of my abilities while always watching my every move. Most of my colleagues, including my boss, were macho. They talked about football and beer all the time, which made me crawl into my shell even more. I feared that if they found out I was gay, they would find a reason to get rid of me or at least sideline me.
As time went on, my manager became very friendly with me due to my hard work and achievements. One day, he invited me to his house for a BBQ party with a few other colleagues. I still remember clearly when he said, “Hey Ethan, come to the BBQ and bring your girlfriend. Many of the other lads are also coming.”
Upon hearing this, my heart sank. I thought, now I cannot lie and must come clean, and this is going to be the end of my career at this company. So, I said, “Hey Danny, there is something about me that you don’t know.” Before I could finish my sentence, he smiled at me and said, “Maybe I already know, and I don’t care - bring your boyfriend.” I was shocked!
I almost shed a tear at that point. I realised I was discriminating against this great man by assuming he would be homophobic just because of his lifestyle. He then asked me why I was not open about it, to which I explained my fears of being rejected and ejected from the team. He told me not to fear anyone and to be myself and relax, as my personal life has nothing to do with my work life. When I expressed my fear of how my colleagues would take it, he said that if anyone discriminated against me, he would fire them.
From that day onwards, my life changed. This amazing boss made me realise that sometimes all the fears are in our own heads, and we should give people a chance to show us who they really are. About 25 years later, I still stay in touch with him, even though he is retired, and I still remember all the good things I learnt from this great man.
