As Pride Month unfolds, I find myself reflecting on my journey of coming out. Have you wondered: What happens after someone comes out as Gay, Lesbian, or Queer? Does life truly get better? Are we gaining, regaining, or losing power the moment we come out?
A few years ago, I shared my story (The Power of Being Who You Are). The nerves, the satisfaction, and the freedom of speaking my truth without hesitation remain vivid to this day. But things didn’t unfold as I had imagined. I had no concrete expectations, just the hope of living authentically in that moment.
I received praise and messages of support. These opened doors for me to serve both the organization and the community. That experience brought comfort and tranquility, for which I will always be grateful.
Yet, amid the calm, my self-doubt crept in. Opportunities came my way, and I began to question: Do I truly deserve them? Or am I just a diverse hire? When I’m celebrated, is it for who I am and what I bring—or because it checks a box on someone’s R&R report?
I feared vulnerability. I feared that any mistake I made would be attributed to my sexuality. That fear was exhausting. It disrupted my thinking, my confidence, and my peace. As a leader, I’m expected to embody values—my own and those of the company. But being a Queer leader seemed to come with an unwritten, higher standard. At times, I felt like people were waiting for me to stumble, just to prove a point. My inner battle revolved around a haunting equation: Queer + Asian Filipino + 40-year-old Leader = Failure? That thought looped in my mind for far too long.
The silent battles I’ve fought were shaped by mistrust and doubts about how inclusive our communities truly are. Yes, we’ve made progress. But unspoken and implied biases still exist. Coming out is just one part of the journey. The struggle continues—through how we’re perceived, how we identify, and how we’re treated based on our gender, class, politics, and more. These layers can threaten our progress and shake our confidence.
Over the years, I have been able to manage the self-doubt, calm some of the fears and regained that confidence. Here’s what I have learnt.
We must face the harsh truths without letting them harden us. The world may be imperfect, but we are not powerless. We can choose to rise above cynicism and lean into growth. As leaders, this means cultivating resilience, embracing self-awareness, and staying anchored in our purpose. We are not just representatives—we are stewards of change, with the voice and responsibility to shape a future where inclusion is not just a value, but a lived reality.
The journey after coming out is not a single moment of revelation—it’s an ongoing evolution marked by courage, vulnerability, and growth. It’s a path filled with triumphs and trials, where resilience becomes our compass. Being Queer is not just an identity—it’s a source of strength, a lens through which we lead, inspire, and challenge norms. And with that strength comes a profound responsibility: to foster inclusion, to uplift others, and to remain true to our values.
Let us continue to lead with authenticity, advocate with purpose, and shine—not just with pride, but with unwavering conviction.
Editor’s note: JV was recognized, as an Outstanding Role Model in the 2024 Top 100 Future Leaders list by INvolve - The Inclusion People.
